Board Thread:Fun and Games/@comment-27044329-20170817134630

Romeo and Juliet

Original words by William Shakespeare

Messed with by Calllack

Dramatis Personae

Romeo - a romantic young man who falls for Juliet

Juliet - a young girl who falls in love with Romeo

Lord Hathorne - Romeo's father

Lady Hathorne - Romeo's mother, wife to Lord Hathorne

Lord Mather - Juliet's father

Lady Mather - Juliet's mother, wife to Lord Proctor

Friar Bishop - the local Franciscan friar

Nurse - raised Juliet

John Hathorne - Romeo's cousin

Deodat Lawson - a close friend of Romeo

Cotton Mather - Juliet's cousin

Count Corwin - a confirmed TI

Mayor Danforth - the revealed Mayor

Act 1

Prologue (Day 1)

Narrator: Two housesholds, both alike in dignity,

In fair Salem (where we lay our scene),

From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,

Whatever that line is supposed to mean.

From forth the fatal loins of these two foes

A pair of star-crossed lovers take their life;

Whose mis-adventured piteous overthrows

Doth with their death bury their parents' strife.

The fearful passage of their death-marked love,

And the continuance of their parents' rage,

Which, but their childrens' end, nought could remove,

Is now the few months' traffic of this post;

The which if you with patient eyes attend,

What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend.

Exit

Scene 1 - Salem, outside someone's house (Day 2)

Enter William Hobbs and Abigail Hobbs, servants of the house of Mather

William: Abigail, on my word, we'll not speak on Day 1.

Abigail: Aye, for then we should be targeted by the Mafia.

William: I mean, on the first real day.

Abigail: No-one accuses on Day 2 for fear of being called out as Exe.

William: Then you would be the Exe, because you'd be Executed. Geddit?

Abigail: That's a terrible joke, please die

William: :,(

Abigail: Draw thy tool!

William: Eh?

Abigail: Here comes two of the house of Hathornes.

William: Oh, you mean my sword*. Right.

Enter John Willard and Ann Hibbins

Abigail: My naked weapon is out. Quarrel, I will back thee.

William: How, turn thy back and run?

Abigail: Fear me not.

William: No, marry, I fear thee!

Abigail: Let us take the law of our sides. Act susp, they'll accuse us and then they'll look like Exe.

William: I will speak in Turkish as they pass by, and let them take it as they list.

Abigail: Nay, as they dare. I will spam the chat - which is disgrace to them if they bear it.

John: Do you spam at us, madam?

Abigail: I do spam, sir.

John: Do you spam at us, madam?

Abigail (aside to William): Will we be reported if I say ay?

William: Yes.

Abigail: No, sir, I do not bite my thumb at you, sir, but I bite my thumb, sir.

Enter John Hathorne to one side

William: Do you accuse us, sir?

John W: Accuse you, sir? No, sir.

Abigail: If you do, sir, I am for you. I serve as good a player as you.

John W: No better.

Abigail: Well, sir.

Enter Cotton Mather

William (aside to Abigail): Say 'better', here comes one of our master's party.

Abigail: Yes, better, sir.

John W: You lie.

Abigail: Draw, if you be Townies. William, remember thy washing blow.

They fight

John H: Part, fools!

Put up your swords - you know not what you do.

Beats down their swords

Cotton: What, art thou drawn among these heartless hinds?

Turn thee, John Hathorne, look upon thy death.

John H: I do but keep the peace. Put up thy sword,

Or manage it to part these men with me.

Cotton: What, drawn, and talk of peace! I hate the word,

As I hate hell, all Montagues, and thee:

Have at thee, corward!

They fight

Enter several of both houses, who join the fray

Then enter three or four Townies with stakes.

Townie #1: Nooses, stakes and trials-by-water! Strike! Beat them down! Down with the Hathornes! Down with the Mathers!

Enter Lord Mather in his gown, and Lady Mather

Lord Mather: What noise is this? Give me my crusader's sword, ho!

Lady Mather: A doctor, a doctor! Why call you for a crusader?

Lord Mather: My sword, I say! Old Hathorne is come,

And uses taunts in spite of me.

Enter Hathorne and Lady Hathorne

Lord Hathorne: Thou villain Mather! Hold me not, let me go.

Lady Hathorne: Thou shalt not stir one foot to seek a foe.

Anyway, it's not like you can actually voluntarily move your character.

Enter Mayor with BGs

Mayor Danforth: Rebellious subjects, enemies to peace,

Profaners of this neighbour-stained steel -

Will they not hear? What ho! You men, you beasts!

That quench the fire of your pernicious rage

With purple fountains issuing from your veins.

At least it's not a god-forsaken firefighter role suggestion.

On pain of jailing, from those bloody hands

Throw your mistempered weapons to the ground,

And hear the sentence of your moved Mayor.

Three civil brawls, bred of an airy word,

By thee, old Mather, and Hathorne,

Have thrice disturbed the quiet of our streets,

And made Salem's ancient citizens

Cast by their grave beseeming ornaments

To wield old partisans, in hands as old,

Cankered with peace, to part your cankered hate:

If ever you disturb our streets again,

Your lives shall pay the forfeit of the peace.

For this time all the rest depart away:

You, Mather, shall go along with me,

And, Hathorne, come you this afternoon,

To know our further pleasure in this case,

To the Town Square, our common judgement-place.

Once more, on pain of trial, all players depart.

Exeunt, all but Lord Hathorne, Lady Hathorne, and John Hathorne 