Thread:Slugkitty/@comment-29936852-20190205223915/@comment-35813313-20190206031513

This is really intriguing! I like the flow of the story and the pacing. It doesn't feel too rushed, and it leaves me wanting more.

A few things:

Syntax. For example: "He, was an orphan." Remove the comma; it's unnecessary. These extra commas and syntax errors take away from the effect of the story.

Verb tense. For example:  "A young boy, only 4 years old, is running through a forest...He kept running, not knowing what to do." The rest of your story is in present tense, so change the word "kept" to "keeps". Like syntax errors, verb tense errors also take away from the effect of the story.

Prepositions. For example: "The boy leaps into the Cursed Angel, and prepares to bite." I'm fairly sure you don't mean he leaps into the Angel's body, right? Replace this word with "at" in order to not confuse readers.

Another thing you could add is backstory to the boy. Who is he? Why is he running through the forest? I want to know more about him.

Overall though, good job!