Thread:Genuiently Funny Guy/@comment-32159720-20170531041142

If you ever get into a knife fight with a girl bring some bread and mayo. They can’t resist making sandwiches.

If  you have no kids hire a babysitter and tell them the kids are asleep and not to be disturbed. When you get home ask the babysitter where the kids are.

They say money is the root of all evil which is why I never give any money to Africa. They have enough problems already.

Found out today that piranha fish can totally remove the flesh from a child’s body in under 5 minutes. On the downside, I’ve now been fired from my job at the aquarium.

How do farmers party? They turnip the beets. 