Board Thread:Off-Topic Posts/@comment-28092296-20181028154740

On August 31st, 2018, medical experts tested an experiment on teenager’s brains. They lined a bunch of teenagers in a rigid, curved line. They then asked the teenagers to stay in a designated room for 48 hours. After 16 hours of going through emergency battery chargers and emergency battery charger chargers, the teenagers ran out of cell phone life. After this, something very peculiar happened. Experts have labeled this strange phenomenon: Cellular shock. Cellular shock is when a teenager has no internet access for more than twelve minutes. Also called firstius worlditis problemus syndrome, a horrifying sense of fear and claustrophobia grasped the teenaged test subjects. Early symptoms include no shoulder slouching, a need for fresh air and joint suddenly becoming less sore. Later symptoms can involve weight loss, drinking water and personal responsibility. Cellular shock is horrifying because it can rapidly change a growing teen’s brain—much in the same way that Candy Crush and Nanjing severely affect the human subconscious. Cellular shock has also proved to be more horrifying than just mental and physical change. Specialists show that teenagers that experience cellular shock are less inclined to complain and buy sodas. This will severely hurt the complaining and soda stock markets. Rapid change can be harmful, and teenagers are following this exact path of blindy changing their attitude. There are steps to prevent this strange disease. As Thomas Alberto–Rodriguez Einstein once said, “An ounce of cure is worth exactly e=mc^2 pounds of prevention.” Teenagers must have access to phones at all times (iPhones are the best phone brand for combating cellular shock). Ensure that all teenagers never see sunlight, since it can make their phone screens harder to look at. Finally, remember that shoulder slouching is a good thing—it promotes being in awkward postures that exercise muscles, therefore combating cellular shock. Experts aren’t sure what the symptoms of cellular shock are, but one this is certain to the scientific minds of medical science: Don’t leave teenagers stuck in testing rooms for 48 hours, because they’ll die from dehydration.

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