Board Thread:General Discussion/@comment-35813313-20181225034034/@comment-31680260-20181227173914

Finished Escort's one. Amazing story, but the ending - the kill - could be fleshed out a bit more, if you'll excuse my pun. When someone dies, it's not just a physical "knife meets flesh" moment. There's a lot of psychological things going on behind the scenes, and it'd potentially be a good idea to explore that a little.

Also, in regard to "She wasn't invited to the daily discussions of the magistrates of Salem (and why would she? According to them, she's a little girl who doesn't know enough.), but she has done some snooping herself." - the punctuation and syntax makes it a little confusing to understand without reading it twice. I'd recommend changing it to:

"She isn't invited to the daily discussions of the magistrates of Salem. Why would she be? According to them, she's just a little girl who doesn't know enough. But she has done some snooping herself." (Word changes are marked in bold.)

I think the main problem here is that your tense switches between present and past frequently. That makes it a little annoying to track. Technically speaking, there's nothing grammatically incorrect, but it's a generally good idea to keep your paragraphs following the same tense.